Let's Be Real (Honduras 2014, Part 1)

This is the start of my Honduras 2014 blogs.  I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to visit my sponsored teen Melania, for the second time and spend a week in her community.  Before beginning this series, if you would first like to hear the stories from last year's journey, and how I came to sponsor Melania in the first place, they can be found here, here, here, and here.  I am excited to share this next chapter with you.  I pray for God to use these stories in your life the way He has in mine.

I'll admit, this trip was different.  On one hand, I can honestly say I've never felt more in the center of God's will as I did in Honduras.  I saw His hand in every step I took.  His purpose could not have been clearer.  Part of me wants to brush over these blogs with poetic words and tell only those stories.  You know, the ones where I am reunited with Melania, God steps in, something profound happens, and I spend the rest of the week holding children while reading bible storybooks and singing Vacation Bible School songs.  Trust me, I'll get to that.  On this trip, though, I experienced something else- realness.  If you remember last year, Melania was brought out of her community, five hours away into the city, to meet me.  We spent the day together at a beach resort, and I returned that night to my beautiful Hilton hotel; almost unaware that I was even in a developing country.  This time around, I chose to step into her world.  I longed to invest into her community and multiply the ministry God had given me through her.  As I did, our perfect, cookie-cutter, miraculous story changed.  Let me clarify, it got better.  But it also got realer.  Messier.  We walked dirt roads, sweaty and sun burnt, leaving no room for glamorous photo opportunities.  In addition to the deep, Godly side of Melania that I knew from last year, I also saw her be a teenage girl.  I saw her interact with her friends.  I watched them play soccer together.  I visited her home.  We talked about boys.  She even showed me the selfies she had taken on her cell phone.  Our story was no longer just a story.  The memoir of God's work in our lives that has been admired by hundreds of people through this blog suddenly became a real relationship between two real people.  Two sisters.

On this trip, I experienced poverty.  I saw lack of basic needs.  Lack of opportunity.  God did amazing things in this mountain village of Honduras.  Part of me, the biggest part of me, is ready to pick up and move there sooner than later.  In coming posts, we'll talk about all of that.  Yet, I felt I would be selling you short if I didn't tell you the whole story.  I'm learning that love is not just a touching story.  Love is real.  Love is a mess.  And, no matter what the enemy has to say about the matter, if you endure, love is worth it.

Are you read to go on this love journey with me?

Two Days

Tomorrow morning, my plane will touch down in San Pedro Sula, Honduras.  This will be followed by a long drive into the mountains, to my Melania's community, where I will finally be reunited with her the following day.  Two days.  That's all that's left until we are together again, after almost a year of praying.  I am traveling with a team of eight other sponsors (including Bella), all who sponsor children in Melania's community.  We will spend the week in the community teaching the gospel to over 200 children at the sponsorship center, taking our own sponsored children out for a fun day of swimming and lunch at a restaurant, visiting their homes, and celebrating Melania's quinceanera (15th birthday).  Not to mention all of the unplanned opportunities we have been praying over before we even see them.  God has already thrown some into the mix, which I will write about in coming days.   I am constantly reminding myself of one of the best pieces of advice regarding ministry that I've ever been given: Go empty.  No specific expectations.  Let God fill your week with whatever He has.  I know it will be abundantly more than I can ask or think.

Whether you followed my first journey to Honduras, or whether you're brand new, I am excited to share this next chapter with you!

A Little Piece of My Heart

Wow, I've been gone for ages!  It is a goal of mine to become more consistent with this blog.  Between starting a new job, planning two mission trips (you heard that right; I will now be visiting all of my girls this spring/summer, in both Honduras and Guatemala!), and going on this continued journey of digging a deeper foundation in my Heavenly Father's heart, time has somehow slipped away from me.  Writing is my passion, and I aim to eventually become a weekly or even twice-weekly blogger.

In the mean time....

If you've followed this blog for a while, you may remember about a year ago when I shared my testimony of how I came to be a child of God- at age 16 in a little log cabin in the woods in mid February, on a camping retreat with my friend's youth group.

For the past four years since this story has taken place, everything has changed.  I am a new creation in Christ, transformed in His love.  And ever since that night four years ago when I laid in that cabin on a church camping retreat and surrendered to Jesus, I've dreamt of going back.  Back to the cabin, that is.  More than that, I've dreamt of someday re-visiting that cabin with my daughter.  Countless times I've pictured myself walking hand in hand with my husband and daughter, taking them back to the place where it all began.  Taking a walk around the camp grounds.  Praying that my child would grow to learn of this amazing grace and become a child of God, having her own incredible story like this one.  I picture us walking into the cabin, me lifting my herr up onto the top bunk bed, the one to the right of the door- my bed.  The bed where I laid all those years ago in the middle of the night and cried out to God- show me, save me!   I even picture her smile as she looks down at me, knowing this place is special, even if she doesn't quite understand why.

While I still have this dream for my future after marriage, God has granted it right now in an entirely different way.  I was recently offered a position in the offices of this camp, and got the inspiration to write to my sponsored girls about why it is such a special place to me.  I write to them about salvation, my church, different bible verses, and prayer all the time; but I had yet to share my testimony with them.  I wrote out a letter to each of them, telling them where I was and what was happening in my life when I accepted Jesus.  Today, I decided to ask for permission to re-visit the cabin and take some pictures to send to my girls- and it was a go!  So, after work today, I went down to the cabins and desperately tried to remember which one was "mine".   It took only seconds before I spotted it...

 

 

 

 

After a moment of staring in amazement, I pushed open the door.  The cob webs across the door frame showed that I was the first visitor in a while.
 

 

 

 

Every memory came flooding back.  To the right of the door was my bed.  I maneuvered between the furniture and climbed up on top.

 

 

 

I climbed right up and marveled at the memories this building held.  I stopped to pray for my girls...my daughters around the world.  Although I couldn't physically share this moment with them like I had dreamed of, I would share it through letters and pictures.  They would have this special memento of something important to me, and know that while I was in that cabin today, I prayed for them.  I prayed they would have amazing testimonies, and that they, too, would know what it means to be children of God.
 

Have you considered writing to your sponsor children about that place that is special to you?  It could be where you were saved, your first church, or even just a quiet place in your room where you get away with God.  Share why it is special to you, and set the example for your little ones to seek their own testimony of salvation.

  

Hearts for Honduras

If you've kept up with my Honduras blogs, you know that I am planning my 2nd trip to Honduras in honor of my Melania's quinceanera. When I went on my first trip to Honduras to meet Melania, I was greatly surprised by her maturity in Christ. Especially when she informed me that her favorite bible verse was Isaiah 1:17, "Learn to do good; seek justice, reprove the ruthless, defend the orphan, plead for the widow." A very similar verse was what led me to Honduras in the first place. Now, I was standing there with fatherless child and her widowed mother who I pictured to be these helpless people who needed me....only to find out they weren't helpless at all, but were doing the same for everyone else! It was both confirming that God wanted me there, and humbling that He brought us together as encouragement for each other. She was a child of God just like I was!

 

I've written to Melania several times since then, telling her how impressed I was with the fact that she chose this verse. I thought it would be a good fundraiser, as well as a good gift for Melania when I return, to have shirts made with this verse on them, in Spanish. The shirts are $20, and come in a women's and a men's design. You can order them for yourself...or, if you sponsor a child in Honduras, I will also be willing to bring the shirt you buy and have it delivered to your child as a gift. The deadline for orders/payments is February 7.  

(Click photos to enlarge)



Estefani

I want you to know I am fully aware that as some of you read this post, you are going to think I am crazy.  I also want you to know that I have counted the cost, and I am okay with that.  Honestly, you're probably right.  I live by Romans 12:2: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  When you have no chains attached to what this world says, God can fully transform you heart and mind to reach places that fit His Heavenly plan- not mere normality.  God's plan for my life is both beautiful and weird.  I understand that.  It's more than okay by me.

Yes, this is what you think it is.  It's the story of my fourth sponsored child.  The little one who my friend Bella and I started co-sponsoring together a week ago today.  The girl who, over the course of just a week, has taught me love and sacrifice greater than I've ever known.  Ever.  And this is only the beginning. 

I don't even know where to start....

Last year, I was given a daily bible verse calendar as a birthday gift from a friend.  It had a page to tear off and read each day, each one containing a new verse.  Throughout the past year, this calendar helped to strengthen my relationship with God in so many ways.  On days when I didn't know where to read in my bible, I would simply read my daily verse, and then the entire chapter it was from.  I would wake up every morning knowing that God had another gift to show me that day.  I would carry the paper around with me, quoting the verse and rejoicing in God's love.  So, this year, I made sure to pick up another one of these calendars for 2014.

 

On January 1st, I set my new calendar on the table next to my bed.  I looked at the thick stack of papers.  365, to be exact.  365 pages of days that will each be used for His glory. 365 new adventures.  New ministries.  New surprises.  Even potentially new heartache, which will inevitably be used for the bettering of His kingdom.

I prayed and told God that I wanted to use each of these days to the fullest. From big things like sharing the gospel with people I meet or going on mission trips, to smaller things like eating right and not waiting for later to have the health that I want. In 2013, God did abundantly more than I could have thought up on my own (Ephesians 3:20), including an amazing trip to Oklahoma that changed my life and gave me a heart for the needs of others such as poverty and human trafficking, starting the sponsorships of 2 of my sponsor children, visiting my Melania in Honduras, making a few amazing new friends, starting this blog....among other things.  I resolved that in 2014, I would obey quicker, love crazier, and do even more.

That same day, I was scrolling through posts on Facebook when I saw this face....

 

 

And then that word- orphan. 

 

This is Estefani.  She is from the same community as my Melania in Honduras.  She attends the same sponsorship center where I will be visiting in May when I return from Melania's birthday.  My friend who is leading our upcoming trip in May was trying to find a sponsor for precious Estefani.  And as I prayed for her, I remembered God's commandment in Isaiah 1:17....the very verse Melania spoke to me on that beach in Honduras.  Do good.  Seek justice.  Correct the disobedient.  Defend the orphan.  Plead for the widow.  I have learned that these things are pretty much always God's will for a Christian to do, just as much as any of His other commandments.  It's not something you necessarily need personal confirmation before doing.  I'm not trying to say that everyone is called to sponsor a child; but rather, that everyone is called to help serve needs wherever they see them.  The answer to helping the needy is already in the bible, and the answer is yes.  We can just go, asking God to lead, and trust that He will stop us if He has another plan.  I knew I wanted to sponsor Estefani.  What a perfect way to start out this new year full of ministry!

And then came the sacrifice. 

I already sponsor Melania at the same center.  I wanted both Melania and Estefani to know that they were special, not just one of many.  I wanted them to have individual attention from their sponsors.  I am going on the trip in May for Melania's birthday, and I want her to have enough of my focus.  Estefani needs that too.  I probably could have sponsored both of them and made it work just fine, but I wasn't totally convinced.

Then, it hit me.  My friend Bella is coming on the trip with me and was looking to sponsor her first child.  She and I had just discussed having the same resolution for this year, to live it to the fullest for God's glory.  That's when I had the idea- to share this sponsorship with Bella, and let her be the one who Estefani would know as her sponsor and write to.  I would be the secret sponsor who Estefani would only know as "Bella's friend".  I shared this idea with Bella and we started to pray about it.  Within an hour, we had decided to sponsor Estefani, signed up for the sponsorship, and began to write letters to our girls!

I knew it was the right decision, but still it hurt a little.  Over the course of just a day, God had woven Estefani into my heart and I already loved her.  The thought that she would never know I was partly her sponsor wasn't fun.  I went back and forth in my head for an entire day, wondering if I had made the right decision. As I went to the bible seeking answers that night, a verse appeared.  As in, it popped up on the bible app on my phone without me clicking anything.  The verse was Matthew 6:3-4, "But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret..."  You may be thinking, "If you're supposed to give in secret, why are you writing about it for the world to see?"  Well, you have all followed my sponsorship journey from the start.  I thought it was important for you to all hear the next chapter of the story.  The point I think God was trying to get across to me was, He knows my heart.  He knew I would want Estefani for myself.  And I think He knew it was best, for whatever reason, if she only knew Bella as her sponsor.  He confirmed it through this verse so my mind would be at ease about this decision.  So when it hurt or when I doubted, I would still know the answer.  Give to her in secret.

 

I am going to meet Estefani at the project visit in May.  I am going to love on her and probably cry when I first see her.  But I will be introduced as a friend of her sponsor.  That is all she will know.  It's painful, beautiful, and amazing.  The closest thing to Christ's sacrificial love I have experienced thus far.  It is only a week into the new year, and I already know sacrifice is going to be a big theme.  Please pray with me as I continue on this beautiful journey full of surprises.  And please pray for my Estefani and her wonderful sponsor, Bella.  God is good, all the time!



How Much More Does Our Father in Heaven Love Us?

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!" -Matthew 7:11

After a year and a half of sponsoring my little Sulmi, I know her letter writing schedule so well that I can basically pinpoint down to the day when her letters will arrive.  So, I knew that because today was the third Saturday in September, her yearly photo update was due to come in the mail.  I prayed fervently for days that it would get here.  I even dreamed about it last night.  I woke up early this morning and checked the mailbox twice, despite knowing that it was too early for mail to arrive.  Yes, I went a tad bit loca.

Finally, I saw the mail truck coming down my street.  I put on my glasses (near-sighted all the way!) and watched out the window through a rain storm as the mail man put a large white envelope in my mailbox.  Frantically looking for an umbrella, then deciding I didn't want to waste the time to find one, I bolted out into the rain.  Sure enough, inside my mailbox was an envelope from Guatemala!  When I got inside and opened it, I found my little beauty's picture, shown above. 

Later tonight at church, a man who has been so supportive of my ministry to Sulmi and my other girls was asking me about them.  I shared Sulmi's new picture with him, so proud of my sweet girl.  In return, he told me something that I'm pretty sure I will always remember as long as I live:  Just like I long for every detail about Sulmi, beg God for her letters and pictures to arrive, watch anxiously for the mail truck, and even run through a rain storm to receive any sign of communication from her, God does the same for me.  Like we actually learned about at church tonight, God longs for and delights in every detail about His children.  So much so that the bible says He has every hair on our heads numbered.  He eagerly watches as we enter His sanctuary, because He longs to talk with us.  He took the brunt of the rain, running through the storms of sin and death to save us and make us His.  Though He was perfect and never had to come and die, He gladly took on that storm.  The only thing He gained, was us.  Yet He did it all, because He decided that it was worth it. 

 

Wow.  I sure love Sulmi a lot, but I can't compete with that.  Admittedly, I have no idea how many hairs are on her head.  I could never know her every thought or every molecule she is made up of.  I ran a few yards in the rain to hear from her, but I've never had to face death for her sake.  No matter how much I love my girl, God will always love us more.  I don't see myself as anything great apart from Him, so it's sometimes crazy to try to fathom His love for me.  Don't take that the wrong way, I've known and believed that God loves me for almost four years now.  Yet, when it was shown to me in these terms...that it is like my love for Sulmi, except deeper and more perfect...I got it.  I can somewhat understand the love of a parent on that level.  It makes the fact that God loves me so much more relatable.  It makes me want to shout praises and talk to Him for hours.  I know what it's like to wait eagerly for communication from your child, and I never again want to make Him wait.  My eyes have been opened to appreciate His love in a greater way.  If we can love our own children (or sponsored children) as much as we do, how much more does our Father in Heaven love us?

I thank God for giving me these girls as a reminder of His love.


What A Joy (Honduras 2013, Part 5)

We got changed into our swim suits and headed to the ocean.  Hand in hand we walked, smiling and laughing just at the thought that we were really there together.  As I mentioned in previous entries, Melania had never been to the ocean before that day.  I figured she would be a bit timid, or at least not go very deep into the water.  Imagine my surprise when she jumped right in and immediately started riding the waves, dunking herself under, splashing (salt water in your eyes= not fun),  and continuing to swim out farther and farther into the sea!  She went so far out that the other adults in our group even refused to follow.  Figuring I should go along to make sure she didn't drown, I followed her out so far that I got stung by a jelly fish in the process of trying to keep up! 

 

 

 

 

Her laugh every time a wave came and carried her to shore brought so much joy to my heart.  Her sweet smiles as she splashed water at me confirmed time after time that I was where I needed to be.  "Come," she would say, "the water is colder the farther out you go."  So, we went...and went...and went.  When our translator wasn't near by and we had no way to communicate, we would simply laugh.  It was enough for us to just enjoy each other's presence.

 

We spent the afternoon swimming, looking for sea shells, and writing in the sand.  Melania kept trying to write my name, but the waves would wash it away before she finished.  Each time, there would be a brief look of disappointment on her face; until I started laughing, and then she would too.

 

 

Part of my name

 

 

Melania's sweet mother.  She is a widowed mother of 10 children!

 

My girl :)

 

 

Melania was having so much fun that she didn't even want to get out of the water when it came time for lunch.  We swam for a while longer, until her tutor told her that we should probably go and eat.  Lunch was served to us in a little one-room beach house filled with dining tables, just yards from the ocean.  As we waited in line for food, we noticed that our group was the only ones tracking huge piles of sand through the lunch room.  There were mounds of wet sand stuck to our shoes, and falling off all over the place.  Oops!  We laughed some more. 

 

 

 

 

At lunch, we somehow got on the subject of Melania's quinceanera (15th birthday), which is coming up next year and is a huge deal for girls in Latin America.  I had mentioned that one of the girls I know through Compassion would be coming back to Honduras for her sponsor child's 15th birthday, which is when Melania ever so sweetly reminded me that she would love it if I came back next year.  Needless to say, I have already started researching how to go about making this happen.  More on that when I have more definite plans...

 

After lunch, I told Melania that I had some more gifts for her and her family.  We made our way back to a picnic hut on the beach, where I gave her a tote that I had filled with some little things.  This was the only time of day that Melania was the least bit shy.  I could tell she didn't quite know how to respond.  Still she smiled.

 

 

 

 

Her new bible

 

 

We swam in the ocean for a while more after that.  I gave her different options of things to do, and swimming in the ocean was the only thing that seemed to interest her at all.  Then, we sat down at a table and had some great conversation while making a sun catcher craft.

 

 

 

We talked about her schooling and future plans.  She told me she would like to be a teacher and asked if I planned to go to college.  I learned about the area where she lives and about her church and sponsorship center.  She told me that she (like everyone else in Honduras) likes to play soccer.  She asked me how I chose to sponsor her, and I got to share part of the story of how God had led me to her.

 

All too soon, it was time to get changed and say our goodbyes.  As Melania was coming out of the changing rooms, my translator pointed and said, "Look what she's wearing."  Melania had changed into the dress and shoes that I had just given her that day.  Not only that, but completely by accident, I was wearing an almost identical dress. 

 

So beautiful!

 

Twins!

 

Sisters in Christ.  Always.

 

 

The end of the day had snuck up on us, and it was time to get on our busses.  We walked together as far as we could before having to go our separate ways.  We hugged, and I told Melania that I hated having to leave, but that I loved her and would be back as soon as I could.  I encouraged her to keep praying for that day.  She agreed.  I slowly walked towards my bus, turning around to wave to her every few seconds until we could not see each other any more.

 

When I got onto the bus, it was full of other crying sponsors who had reluctantly just said goodbye to their children.  I made my way to the very back of the bus and plopped down on a seat.  That really just happened, I thought. 

 

As much as I didn't want this day to end, I knew that it had been completely God-ordained.  I could go back home and look back on this whole experience, remembering His goodness.  I would forever live in awe of what He had done that day.  Rest assured, if the LORD tarries and if He allows, I will be back.