Estefani

I want you to know I am fully aware that as some of you read this post, you are going to think I am crazy.  I also want you to know that I have counted the cost, and I am okay with that.  Honestly, you're probably right.  I live by Romans 12:2: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  When you have no chains attached to what this world says, God can fully transform you heart and mind to reach places that fit His Heavenly plan- not mere normality.  God's plan for my life is both beautiful and weird.  I understand that.  It's more than okay by me.

Yes, this is what you think it is.  It's the story of my fourth sponsored child.  The little one who my friend Bella and I started co-sponsoring together a week ago today.  The girl who, over the course of just a week, has taught me love and sacrifice greater than I've ever known.  Ever.  And this is only the beginning. 

I don't even know where to start....

Last year, I was given a daily bible verse calendar as a birthday gift from a friend.  It had a page to tear off and read each day, each one containing a new verse.  Throughout the past year, this calendar helped to strengthen my relationship with God in so many ways.  On days when I didn't know where to read in my bible, I would simply read my daily verse, and then the entire chapter it was from.  I would wake up every morning knowing that God had another gift to show me that day.  I would carry the paper around with me, quoting the verse and rejoicing in God's love.  So, this year, I made sure to pick up another one of these calendars for 2014.

 

On January 1st, I set my new calendar on the table next to my bed.  I looked at the thick stack of papers.  365, to be exact.  365 pages of days that will each be used for His glory. 365 new adventures.  New ministries.  New surprises.  Even potentially new heartache, which will inevitably be used for the bettering of His kingdom.

I prayed and told God that I wanted to use each of these days to the fullest. From big things like sharing the gospel with people I meet or going on mission trips, to smaller things like eating right and not waiting for later to have the health that I want. In 2013, God did abundantly more than I could have thought up on my own (Ephesians 3:20), including an amazing trip to Oklahoma that changed my life and gave me a heart for the needs of others such as poverty and human trafficking, starting the sponsorships of 2 of my sponsor children, visiting my Melania in Honduras, making a few amazing new friends, starting this blog....among other things.  I resolved that in 2014, I would obey quicker, love crazier, and do even more.

That same day, I was scrolling through posts on Facebook when I saw this face....

 

 

And then that word- orphan. 

 

This is Estefani.  She is from the same community as my Melania in Honduras.  She attends the same sponsorship center where I will be visiting in May when I return from Melania's birthday.  My friend who is leading our upcoming trip in May was trying to find a sponsor for precious Estefani.  And as I prayed for her, I remembered God's commandment in Isaiah 1:17....the very verse Melania spoke to me on that beach in Honduras.  Do good.  Seek justice.  Correct the disobedient.  Defend the orphan.  Plead for the widow.  I have learned that these things are pretty much always God's will for a Christian to do, just as much as any of His other commandments.  It's not something you necessarily need personal confirmation before doing.  I'm not trying to say that everyone is called to sponsor a child; but rather, that everyone is called to help serve needs wherever they see them.  The answer to helping the needy is already in the bible, and the answer is yes.  We can just go, asking God to lead, and trust that He will stop us if He has another plan.  I knew I wanted to sponsor Estefani.  What a perfect way to start out this new year full of ministry!

And then came the sacrifice. 

I already sponsor Melania at the same center.  I wanted both Melania and Estefani to know that they were special, not just one of many.  I wanted them to have individual attention from their sponsors.  I am going on the trip in May for Melania's birthday, and I want her to have enough of my focus.  Estefani needs that too.  I probably could have sponsored both of them and made it work just fine, but I wasn't totally convinced.

Then, it hit me.  My friend Bella is coming on the trip with me and was looking to sponsor her first child.  She and I had just discussed having the same resolution for this year, to live it to the fullest for God's glory.  That's when I had the idea- to share this sponsorship with Bella, and let her be the one who Estefani would know as her sponsor and write to.  I would be the secret sponsor who Estefani would only know as "Bella's friend".  I shared this idea with Bella and we started to pray about it.  Within an hour, we had decided to sponsor Estefani, signed up for the sponsorship, and began to write letters to our girls!

I knew it was the right decision, but still it hurt a little.  Over the course of just a day, God had woven Estefani into my heart and I already loved her.  The thought that she would never know I was partly her sponsor wasn't fun.  I went back and forth in my head for an entire day, wondering if I had made the right decision. As I went to the bible seeking answers that night, a verse appeared.  As in, it popped up on the bible app on my phone without me clicking anything.  The verse was Matthew 6:3-4, "But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret..."  You may be thinking, "If you're supposed to give in secret, why are you writing about it for the world to see?"  Well, you have all followed my sponsorship journey from the start.  I thought it was important for you to all hear the next chapter of the story.  The point I think God was trying to get across to me was, He knows my heart.  He knew I would want Estefani for myself.  And I think He knew it was best, for whatever reason, if she only knew Bella as her sponsor.  He confirmed it through this verse so my mind would be at ease about this decision.  So when it hurt or when I doubted, I would still know the answer.  Give to her in secret.

 

I am going to meet Estefani at the project visit in May.  I am going to love on her and probably cry when I first see her.  But I will be introduced as a friend of her sponsor.  That is all she will know.  It's painful, beautiful, and amazing.  The closest thing to Christ's sacrificial love I have experienced thus far.  It is only a week into the new year, and I already know sacrifice is going to be a big theme.  Please pray with me as I continue on this beautiful journey full of surprises.  And please pray for my Estefani and her wonderful sponsor, Bella.  God is good, all the time!