A Letter to My Estefani

I need to take a moment to be real with you, because truthfully, there is no poetic way to word this.  God is doing something new and beautiful in my life and the life of my Estefani.  This story starts with heartache, and ends with...well...a new beginning.  As I've said before, love is messy.  This story is not playing out at all how I had planned, but in many ways, even better.

My first day with Estefani, last May

As of last week, there has been a change.  Estefani, who was once only my financially sponsored child my friend formed the actual relationship with, is now completely mine.  In order to respect the others involved, I will not be getting into why things played out the way they did.  I don't know why after all of the miracles God performed last year with Estefani and her previous sponsor, she is now mine.  Don't get me wrong- I'm thrilled she is!  I just don't understand.  I don't understand why my precious girl has to face yet another heartache of yet another change in her life.  I don't understand why she is still stuck in her living situation.  I may never understand it.

As I was praying for the words to tell my Estefani about this change of plans, I was led to the scripture Isaiah 43:18-19:

"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past.  Behold, I will do something new!  Now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it?  I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."

When I wonder why God came through so faithfully last year, but this year looks like chaos...

When I start to wonder how the pieces of this puzzle fit together...

When I try to figure out how to undo the damage...

God is working something new.  He will even make rivers in the desert- fulfillment in seemingly impossible situations.  Whatever He is doing, it is sure to be better than anything I can think up.  So much good is coming.  In the mean time, I needed a way to explain this change to Estefani, while also pointing her to the foundation of a Heavenly Father who will never leave or forsake her.  So, I wrote this letter, which was read to her by a friend who went to Honduras ahead of me (I will be joining in a less than two weeks!).  I am choosing to share it here, because this is my heart for my sweet girl.  Some parts of this letter have been edited or removed before posting, such as the explanation of what exactly happened, and the names of the other people involved.  If the letter seems a little choppy, that is why.

Precious Estefani,

Hello beautiful!  This is Megan.  I met you last year when I came to Honduras with your previous sponsor.  You are such a special and beloved girl; meeting you was one of the most amazing things that ever happened to me.  I still think about you every day.  Our whole group loves you so much.  You probably don't know this, but I am actually the one who chose you for your previous sponsor when she decided to sponsor a child.  From the second that I saw your picture, God put a great love for you in my heart. 

Estefani, I am writing to tell you that I am now your sponsor, because your previous sponsor is no longer able to be.  I promise you that it is not because of you.  There are many other reasons.  I am sorry if  you are sad about this.  It is okay to be sad, but I am so happy to be your sponsor.  On July 13, I am coming to visit you, and we will have so much fun together!  I am so excited to see you!  We will spend time at your school, your house, your sponsorship center, and go swimming together at the pool!  We will play together, talk, and share in God's love together.  I will also be bringing gifts for you and your family, and gifts for your late birthday. I also sponsor two other girls in your community who will be with us- Melania and Irma.  After I return from visiting you, I will write letters to you all the time.  I will learn more Spanish and will help you to learn more English, so we can communicate better.  I will always love you, my sweet girl.

When I was praying about this, God showed me the bible verse Isaiah 43:19.  In this verse, God says, "Behold, I am doing something new!".  I believe God is doing a beautiful new thing by allowing me to be your sponsor.  Ever since I met you, I have been telling all of my friends and family how special you are.  I look at your picture and pray for you every day. 

More than anything, I want you to know that no matter what, God is the One who will always be with you and love you.  God is a perfect King, so He never messes up or leaves us like people sometimes do.  Have you ever seen a picture of a princess wearing a beautiful crown?  Well, the bible says even though God doesn't usually give us actual crowns for our heads, He crowns our hearts with glory and majesty.  The words "glory" and "majesty" both mean "great beauty."  God loves you so much and He wants to crown your heart with great beauty and let you be His daughter.  Do you want to know how?

God sent His perfect Son, Jesus, here to Earth to die on a cross to take the punishment for our sins for us, so our hearts can be free from sin and be crowned with great beauty instead.  After Jesus died, He rose back to life to defeat our sin and make us His.  All you have to do is turn to Him and ask, and He will rid your heart of sin, crown your heart with beauty by putting His Holy Spirit inside of you, and make you His princess forever (because He is the King!)  Have you asked Him to do that for you?  If not, you can ask Him, even right now, and you will be His princess forever!

When you become His princess, you probably won't look any different or live in a castle right now; but, if you are His princess, He will be your Father who will never leave you.  He will always love you.  Even if you do not have a father here on Earth, or even if you miss the people who are not with you any more, God can fill those parts of your heart with His love.  And, when you are old and your life on Earth is over, He will take you to His kingdom in Heaven- because you are His princess!  Heaven is a place so beautiful that we can't even imagine how amazing it will be.  There are animals and colors and food in Heaven that we have never even seen before!  The bible says that everyone in Heaven is happy.  When we get there, we will never be sad or scared or lonely again!  We will all be one big family, with God as our Father.  The floors in Heaven will be made of colorful stones.  The gates will be made of pearls.  In the bible, Revelation 21:4 says, "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any sadness, or crying, or pain."  How amazing does that sound?

Estefani, you are so smart and beautiful.  I know that God has enormous and amazing plans for your life!  He will transform your life to be exactly what He wants it to be.

I love you so much and pray for you every day.  I will see you very soon, my princess!

With Much Love,
Megan

Stretching Beyond Limits

As I've written about in the past, human trafficking is something God has spent the past few years making me painfully aware of.  I prayed a prayer several months ago, asking Him to give me opportunities to help with this crisis I could no longer ignore.  I have joined a local task force against trafficking through my church, but I also wanted to go into all the world and reach victims and at-risk individuals everywhere.  

After a few months, a 5 year old little girl named Isadora appeared on the Compassion International website.  She lives in a red light district full of child prostitution.  In this slum, children as young as five are prostitutes, and children as young as eight are becoming pregnant.  Isadora herself hasn't been a victim of these things, but Compassion is working into this community to proactively protect her and her peers.  Additionally, Isadora wants to be a ballerina when she grows up.  I was a ballerina for more than eight years, and it is still has a very big piece of my heart.  I also have an entire bin full of ballerina-themed stickers and whatnot saved for the girls who I currently sponsor.  Sponsoring Isadora just made sense, and I wanted to so badly.

 

I began to pray and pray and pray for Isadora.  I posted her picture on Facebook, asking if anyone would sponsor her, since I had no idea how I could, or should, stretch my ministry budget any farther.  After about a day, she was gone from the website and it said she had been chosen by someone else.  When I saw this, I fell to my knees and literally begged,

"God I KNOW I was supposed to sponsor her!  I don't know how to make it work, but PLEASE let her come back onto the site!"

Against all odds, a few minutes later, she was on the website again!  And this time she stayed- for days.  Somehow, I still didn't sponsor her, still doubting if I could.  I continued to pray and share her picture.  When I shared her with a friend who I know from one of my previous mission trips, he fell for her as strongly as I did.  He decided that he wanted to sponsor Isadora, but wanted to let me write to her! 

I have a friend who is visiting her area in May, and is delivering a pair of ballerina slippers to her for me.

Oh, and that area?  It's in Brazil!  

Between this new venture, preparing to return to Honduras, and advocating for the 200 children who we are hoping to see sponsored from the new center we are kicking off in Honduras, I felt my heart stretching beyond its limits.  In a way, trying to poetically word these stories, while reading hundreds more on various social media platforms, my heart gets overwhelmed.  The enemy has, at times, left me wondering if there is really anything special about these things after all.  Now Brazil too?  I didn't know what to do with it all.  Then the other night, I was in my bedroom writing my first letter to Isadora and looking at her picture in disbelief.  I already loved her so much, but squeezing this new mission into my life...it was messy...it didn't fit.  As I wrote her letter and looked at her picture, though, God took that overwhelming fear in my heart and instantly replaced it with joy.  When I say instantly, I mean I glanced over at Isadora's picture and was hit with instantaneous love for this child, unable to even comprehend how much I already loved her. 

In that moment, God intertwined my and Isadora's hearts.  I didn't know how, but suddenly, it fit.  If you would like to know more about the work being done in Isadora's community, click here to watch a short documentary about the area. 

Go Into All the World - A Review

After a completely unintentional 4 month hiatus, I am back!  Later on, I will fill you in on the new journey I am taking this summer in Honduras, as well as some other awesome things God has been doing.  But first...

David Chalmers is a Compassion International child advocate and blogger, often referred to as "The Man with 50 Kids."  In David's new book, Go Into All the World, he shares stories of his visits with 31 of his 50 sponsored children in 12 different countries!  Go Into All the World gives a close look at Compassion's ministry in these places, as well as an overview of how the organization runs.  David graciously sent me one of the pre-release copies of the book to read and review.

If you are like me and love to hear about others' experiences with missions and child sponsorship, this is the book for you!  Jam-packed with stories of Compassion child fun days and home/project visits, Go Into All the World brings a sense of realness to these often-glamorized stories.  While grammatically and structurally an easy read (I read the entire book in two sittings), a slower read may help you to take it all in and offer a deeper connection to the children you are reading about. 

The first several chapters of the book explain Compassion's ministry and give an in-depth look at how each of their programs work.  If you, like me, have been familiar with Compassion for any length of time, you may be able to skim through these chapters and get right to the visit stories.  Once you do, you will not be sorry!

Over all, I would definitely say that Go Into All the World is a worthy read.  David's heart for Compassion is clear throughout each chapter.  He has recently returned from a year of working at an orphanage in the Philippines, and has wasted no time jumping right back into his work with Compassion.  To read more from David, you can visit his blog.

If you have found An Omer of Manna through David, please feel free to subscribe or keep checking back!

Irma's Story

When I wrote the blog series about my second trip to Honduras to visit two of my sponsor children this past May, there were some stories left untold.  Not because they weren't amazing, but because telling just the stories of my own girls took up a nine-part series in itself.  Naturally, I had to leave out some of the stories of the other children we worked with during the week.  One of those stories was Irma.

 
I met Irma during my last day in Honduras.  My 15 year old sponsor child, Melania, arrived at the center that morning with several relatives.  Irma was introduced to me as Melania's cousin.  She was twelve years old at the time.  I spent some time talking to the family as we sat on a bench at the back of the center.

As the day went on, I was occupied with many children.  I was meeting my own girls, delivering gifts to children who were sponsored by friends of mine, preparing for Melania's quinceanera party, etc.  For much of my day at the center, Irma quietly followed behind me.  She would look at me and smile, occasionally grabbing my hand or wrapping her arm around me as we walked.  At one point, when she finally had me alone for a moment, she whispered something to me- "Do you know Michelle?".  Without any further explanation, I knew she was asking about her sponsor.  In these children's minds, if you are from the United States, you must know their sponsor who lives there.  Obviously, I didn't.  Irma had seen so many other children receiving love from their sponsors that day.  She wanted to know she wasn't forgotten.  I soon learned that Irma had been sponsored for over 3 years, yet had never received a letter from her sponsor.

I told Irma that while I did not know her sponsor, I would be glad to take a picture of her and have the sponsorship organization forward it to her, along with a letter saying how much she would love to hear from her.  She jumped at this opportunity.

 

I stuck with Irma throughout the rest of my time at the project and gave her the only extra gift I had with me- a simple drawstring bracelet with a cross charm on it.  After that, her demeanor changed.  As her friends arrived that day, she went over to them with excitement, pointed to me, and said, "She is going to send pictures to my sponsor!"  I spent some of the day with Irma as we played with the other children, watched soccer tournaments, had lunch, and made pipe-cleaner jewelry together. 

Since returning home from Honduras, I had the organization forward letters and pictures on to Irma's sponsor, and called several times to see if she was receiving letters yet.  Each time, the answer was no.  Eventually, I asked if there was any chance that Irma could have a correspondence sponsor.  There is a correspondence program for sponsors who want to support a child financially but not write letters, so they can assign someone else to write to the child.  I was told unfortunately, they could only give Irma a correspondence sponsor if her financial sponsor requested it.  After this, I kind of let it go and "gave up" for the time being.  I still prayed it could happen in the future, but I had made peace with the fact that there was no way for it to happen right now.  I tried to convince myself that maybe it was for the best if I just invested in the girls I already had.

Still, when I was having alone time with God a few days ago and making a list of everything I was praying for, Irma was at the top of that list.  When I read the passage in the bible about the shepherd who left is 99 sheep to go look for the lost one, I felt God speak- you're not giving up on Irma.  So imagine my joy when just a few days later, I got a phone call from the sponsorship organization.  It was the woman who I had last talked to about Irma.

"I had talked to you a while back about your sponsor child's cousin, Irma.  Today, I have the best possible news..."

Best possible news?  I thought I had already been given the news, that I couldn't have her.

"After talking to you," she continued, "I saw your heart for this girl, and I fought to make it happen.  Today, we have gotten permission from Irma's sponsor to make you her official correspondent sponsor."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  All I could do was thank God.  His work here was so apparent.  Just days after adding her to my prayer list, I got a call out of absolutely nowhere, delivering the "best possible news"!  In the days immediately before and after this phone call, the enemy had been at work in my life in ways that required every ounce of my faith to believe that God would answer my prayers.  Unknowingly, this sponsorship rep poured into me and delivered assurance that He definitely would. 

If they had given Irma to me when I had originally called and asked, that would have been so me.  I would have gotten what I wanted, and gotten to shower her with love.  That would have been a great story and all.... but, the fact that it happened this way was so God.  After deciding that maybe things had worked out for the best and I wasn't meant to sponsor Irma, He made it happen without even really giving me a choice.  Irma had already been added to my account by the time I received the call. It was just SO GOD!

If I'm being honest, I'm in a season right now where, for reasons I will write about in the future, I need to fight for my peace with everything in me.  God has shown me every step I need to take, and I am winning.  Still, I often need reminders that God is answering me when I call.  Now, every time I think of Irma, I remember His goodness.

Mint Green Nails and Combat Boots

I recently came across this reminder of unconditional, undeserved love.  Gifts that I'd done nothing to deserve.  Failure resulting in only more blessings.  Running from God's words, and yet being lured back in with beautiful gifts- reminders of His faithfulness.  The following post was written, and then never published, late last year.  I wrote the words on my heart as I was sitting in my bedroom one night, admiring a bottle of mint green nail polish and a pair of studded black combat boots; knowing that God had done something so much bigger than updating my wardrobe.  He has spent months teaching me that transformation starts with the heart.  Now I knew.  This is what John meant in the bible when He wrote, "For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome." (1 John 5:3)  Obeying God's Word is good and necessary.  However, obeying out of half-hearted guilt and obligation does not equal loving God.  Loving God is having such passion for Him in your heart, and realizing how much He has blessed you, that you can't help but adore and obey Him.  That is exactly what He did here.

God has spent most of my Christian life, especially the past two years since He led me to sponsor multiple children on a very unpredictable income, to use my resources selflessly and to the fullest.  He always manages to stretch my budget in the craziest ways to make room for more ministry.  Since He has been showing me to seek more of His kingdom rather than things on Earth, the things that were once so important to me just don't really matter any more.   I stopped buying pretty much anything I didn't need.  I stopped the majority of my "just because" Starbucks runs and started buying most things on clearance.  This is not a guilt trip.  It's not that I think buying something you don't need is always a bad thing.  I know that God sometimes, out of love for someone, will bless them with something extra for themselves.  It's just that I know that lavish things will not last.  I want to use every second and every penny for an eternal purpose.  I was not about to waste it.

So, recently, when I wanted some mint green nail polish, I could not bring myself to buy it.  After spending time in countries where parents can barely afford rice for their children, how could I say I was living God's calling to the fullest if I spent the little that has been entrusted to me to make my nails a different color (such a random concept if you think about it)?  In a quick little no-big-deal prayer, I told God that if He chose to give me an extra little blessing by providing it for free, I would absolutely accept and give Him all of the glory for it.  I didn't think much about it afterwards.  It was kind of a silly prayer that, if we're being honest, I didn't expect to be granted.  That is, until one day, when I came home to a random package from my mom, saying she was out shopping and thought of me.  Inside the bag was not only a bottle of mint green nail polish, but also a pair of black combat boots....something I had also been secretly admiring, but really didn't need!

Back when this story took place, although I loved, sought after, and served God to some extent every day, I was not fully in a place of being focused or obedient.  I had been feeling distant and only partly dwelling on His love for me.  Yet, because I had been saved and am His child, rather than anger and punishment, He lures my heart with gifts- reminders of His love.  Reminders that He sees me and hears my prayers.  1 John 5:3 is so true....loving God is keeping His commandments....but keeping them out of gratefulness.  He filled my heart with such joy.  I have every reason to worship Him in thanks.

Almost a year later, I still wear these boots in awe of His love for me.

What Now?

It is September in Western Pennsylvania.  The leaves are just beginning to change colors.  The air is crisp and cold in the mornings, with warm weather still during the days.  Pumpkin flavored everything has crept its way into my diet.  Bella and I drive down a back country road, windows down, admiring the fall scenery as we listen to worship music.  Despite the fact that fall has only begun this week, we are headed an hour away from home, to a little shop in Pittsburgh, where we hear there are tons of pretty, girly things to buy Estefani for Christmas.  It may only be September, but mail is slow, and we need to start planning now if we want our girls to receive their gifts on time.

A song comes on the radio, and those words ring in my ears- I'm no orphan any more.  And I can't hold it in...tears stream down my face.  "Estefani?", Bella asks.  "Estefani", I confirm, chuckling at how common this has become.  It has been almost a daily occurrence over the past few months for one of us to break down over something that reminds us of our girl; a song, a photograph, a Disney princess backpack at the mall....

Our hearts are longing.  I miss my girls.  I miss that world of relentless love.  I want to be in that place where my heart is constantly aligned with His. 

As I think of all God has done here, I realize this was never my plan.  These girls were never my plan.  Guatemala was never my plan.  That village tucked away in the mountains of western Honduras was certainly never my plan.  When God started this journey just over two years ago when He simply led me to sponsor Sulmi, He saw all of this.  He saw the village in the mountains.  He saw Melania....Aura...Estefani.  He knew the whole time.  One step of faith can cause a lifetime of God's plans to unfold.

So, what now? 

Since wrapping up the Honduras and Guatemala blog series, I have received updates on all 4 of my girls.  Bella received a heartfelt letter from Estefani talking about our visit.

Melania writes that she knows God cares for her, because He has given her the chance to be loved by someone like me (umm...wow.)  In the three letters I have received since our visit, each which were about two pages long, she shows spiritual maturity and even responds to my letter sharing my testimony, telling me about how she accepted Christ at church with her friends!  She also shares that she is learning to play the guitar in the worship band and goes to church often.  The openness and spiritual encouragement in her letters genuinely uplifts my heart every time.

Sulmi and Aura are also doing well.  They have recently received some medical care, dental care supplies, groceries, and clothing as a result of an inquiry made after our visit.  Their baby sister, Yeilin, should also officially be my sponsored child within the next few months.

So here's the deal: Bella and I are planning to return to Honduras within the next year, hopefully much sooner.  That is our main priority missions-wise, knowing that Estefani has the biggest need right now.  Aside from foreign missions, God has been doing so many incredible things with so many incredible people where I am right now.

 Greater things are yet to come.  What God is doing is just so good!

Meeting Sulmi and Aura (Guatemala 2014, Part 2)

This is part 3 of my Guatemala 2014 blog series.  Click here for part one and here for part two.  Also, don't forget to check out the campaign for Sulmi and Aura and prayerfully consider helping this precious family.

The day had finally arrived!  Early that morning, my World Vision host picked my friend and I up at our hotel, and drove us to another hotel closer to my girls.  Their family would meet us at the hotel, and we would spend the day there together.  After sponsoring this family for more than two years, I couldn't be more ready.

On the 4 hour car ride, we asked our host all sorts of questions about the process of receiving and translating letters, how many sponsors actually visit, etc.  The ride was hours long, and the view breath taking.  As I sat back and observed the mountains, I thought about where my girls where and prayed for their safe journey to meet me.

When we arrived at the hotel, I saw their truck across the parking lot. Then, one by one, I saw them exit.

This was the exact moment I had spent more than two years praying for.  I jumped out of the car and headed towards the girls.  They looked exactly how I had envisioned them, almost as if they had just stepped out of one of the pictures I had framed on my nightstand back home.  I ran to hug Sulmi, but before I could, their dad stepped out in front to be the first to hug me.  It was so sweet and funny.  I knew right then that this sponsorship journey was a family effort.

 

I quickly moved on to the girls.  Sulmi was stiff and shy, but her smile held all of her excitement.  Despite her quiet demeanor, she wrapped her arms around me and giggled with joy.



  

  

Aura was next.  When I called her name, her eyes lit up- almost surprised that I had recognized her.

After meeting the girls' mother and new baby sister Yeilin (who I hope to sponsor in the future), the girls and I grabbed hands and headed to the picnic area in the back.



Aura sat next to me and smiled up at me every time I looked at her.  There was conversation about kittens and butterflies and jewelry and all things girly.  I talked to their parents about work and letter writing.  Their dad told me that he reads every one of my letters over and over again, and has continually prayed that we would meet face to face.  The conversation was full of joy and nervous laughter.

I learned that the girls live high up a secluded mountain, which they never leave.  Our visit may have been the first time they left their mountain in their lives.  Sulmi shyly got up and whispered something to her mother.  Her mother giggled and relayed to me, "Sulmi says she wants to visit you at your house."  

Finally being there holding my girls seemed like more than I could have ever asked for.

Our hotel had wildlife roaming the yard.  At one point, I saw a giant peacock walk past and went over to it.  After a moment, I turned around to see my sweet Aura following behind me.  Smiling, she came up next to me and grabbed my hand.  This was the first time Aura had initiated contact with me.  She was so happy, but didn't always know how to show it.  When Sulmi realized we were gone, she too came and took my other hand.  We had fun chasing the peacock around the yard.



As we walked, I spotted something through a patch of trees.  A playground!  I don't have pictures of this, because my friend was back at the picnic shelter with my camera; but we walked over to the playground, and the girls didn't know what to do.  No, literally.  I am quite confident they had never seen a swing before in their lives.  In my limited Spanish, I tried to convey to Aura how to sit on the swings.  I found a two-person swing, and by the grace of God, knew how to say, "one of you here, one of you here" in Spanish.  They sat down and looked to me, almost as if to say, "Now what?".  When I started to push them, they lit up, and burst out in the happiest laughter I had ever heard.

After lunch, it was time to give the girls the gifts I had brought for them.  I started with the American Girl dolls- telling them they were the same kind of doll I played with when I was their age.  I told them that they are like daughters to me, so it was a special connection I wanted us to share.



Next, there were princess tiaras, jewelry, pink bibles, art supplies, and anything else a little girl could want.

The day came to a close all too quickly.  As I hugged each girl goodbye one last time, I told them I would see them soon.  When I hugged Sulmi, I lifted her up and spun her around.  "Te quiero mucho mucho mucho!", I exclaimed- I love you so much. 

In a way, I don't know what else to say about our time together.  My visit with these girls was much shorter than the visits with my girls in Honduras.  Yes, it was just as beautiful and wonderful.  They are the daughters of my heart, and I long to see them again.  I absolutely fell in love on this trip.  It was just simple and beautiful.  All I really have to say is Gracias a Dios- thanks to God.