A Letter to My Estefani

I need to take a moment to be real with you, because truthfully, there is no poetic way to word this.  God is doing something new and beautiful in my life and the life of my Estefani.  This story starts with heartache, and ends with...well...a new beginning.  As I've said before, love is messy.  This story is not playing out at all how I had planned, but in many ways, even better.

My first day with Estefani, last May

As of last week, there has been a change.  Estefani, who was once only my financially sponsored child my friend formed the actual relationship with, is now completely mine.  In order to respect the others involved, I will not be getting into why things played out the way they did.  I don't know why after all of the miracles God performed last year with Estefani and her previous sponsor, she is now mine.  Don't get me wrong- I'm thrilled she is!  I just don't understand.  I don't understand why my precious girl has to face yet another heartache of yet another change in her life.  I don't understand why she is still stuck in her living situation.  I may never understand it.

As I was praying for the words to tell my Estefani about this change of plans, I was led to the scripture Isaiah 43:18-19:

"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past.  Behold, I will do something new!  Now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it?  I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."

When I wonder why God came through so faithfully last year, but this year looks like chaos...

When I start to wonder how the pieces of this puzzle fit together...

When I try to figure out how to undo the damage...

God is working something new.  He will even make rivers in the desert- fulfillment in seemingly impossible situations.  Whatever He is doing, it is sure to be better than anything I can think up.  So much good is coming.  In the mean time, I needed a way to explain this change to Estefani, while also pointing her to the foundation of a Heavenly Father who will never leave or forsake her.  So, I wrote this letter, which was read to her by a friend who went to Honduras ahead of me (I will be joining in a less than two weeks!).  I am choosing to share it here, because this is my heart for my sweet girl.  Some parts of this letter have been edited or removed before posting, such as the explanation of what exactly happened, and the names of the other people involved.  If the letter seems a little choppy, that is why.

Precious Estefani,

Hello beautiful!  This is Megan.  I met you last year when I came to Honduras with your previous sponsor.  You are such a special and beloved girl; meeting you was one of the most amazing things that ever happened to me.  I still think about you every day.  Our whole group loves you so much.  You probably don't know this, but I am actually the one who chose you for your previous sponsor when she decided to sponsor a child.  From the second that I saw your picture, God put a great love for you in my heart. 

Estefani, I am writing to tell you that I am now your sponsor, because your previous sponsor is no longer able to be.  I promise you that it is not because of you.  There are many other reasons.  I am sorry if  you are sad about this.  It is okay to be sad, but I am so happy to be your sponsor.  On July 13, I am coming to visit you, and we will have so much fun together!  I am so excited to see you!  We will spend time at your school, your house, your sponsorship center, and go swimming together at the pool!  We will play together, talk, and share in God's love together.  I will also be bringing gifts for you and your family, and gifts for your late birthday. I also sponsor two other girls in your community who will be with us- Melania and Irma.  After I return from visiting you, I will write letters to you all the time.  I will learn more Spanish and will help you to learn more English, so we can communicate better.  I will always love you, my sweet girl.

When I was praying about this, God showed me the bible verse Isaiah 43:19.  In this verse, God says, "Behold, I am doing something new!".  I believe God is doing a beautiful new thing by allowing me to be your sponsor.  Ever since I met you, I have been telling all of my friends and family how special you are.  I look at your picture and pray for you every day. 

More than anything, I want you to know that no matter what, God is the One who will always be with you and love you.  God is a perfect King, so He never messes up or leaves us like people sometimes do.  Have you ever seen a picture of a princess wearing a beautiful crown?  Well, the bible says even though God doesn't usually give us actual crowns for our heads, He crowns our hearts with glory and majesty.  The words "glory" and "majesty" both mean "great beauty."  God loves you so much and He wants to crown your heart with great beauty and let you be His daughter.  Do you want to know how?

God sent His perfect Son, Jesus, here to Earth to die on a cross to take the punishment for our sins for us, so our hearts can be free from sin and be crowned with great beauty instead.  After Jesus died, He rose back to life to defeat our sin and make us His.  All you have to do is turn to Him and ask, and He will rid your heart of sin, crown your heart with beauty by putting His Holy Spirit inside of you, and make you His princess forever (because He is the King!)  Have you asked Him to do that for you?  If not, you can ask Him, even right now, and you will be His princess forever!

When you become His princess, you probably won't look any different or live in a castle right now; but, if you are His princess, He will be your Father who will never leave you.  He will always love you.  Even if you do not have a father here on Earth, or even if you miss the people who are not with you any more, God can fill those parts of your heart with His love.  And, when you are old and your life on Earth is over, He will take you to His kingdom in Heaven- because you are His princess!  Heaven is a place so beautiful that we can't even imagine how amazing it will be.  There are animals and colors and food in Heaven that we have never even seen before!  The bible says that everyone in Heaven is happy.  When we get there, we will never be sad or scared or lonely again!  We will all be one big family, with God as our Father.  The floors in Heaven will be made of colorful stones.  The gates will be made of pearls.  In the bible, Revelation 21:4 says, "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any sadness, or crying, or pain."  How amazing does that sound?

Estefani, you are so smart and beautiful.  I know that God has enormous and amazing plans for your life!  He will transform your life to be exactly what He wants it to be.

I love you so much and pray for you every day.  I will see you very soon, my princess!

With Much Love,
Megan