Hearts for Honduras

If you've kept up with my Honduras blogs, you know that I am planning my 2nd trip to Honduras in honor of my Melania's quinceanera. When I went on my first trip to Honduras to meet Melania, I was greatly surprised by her maturity in Christ. Especially when she informed me that her favorite bible verse was Isaiah 1:17, "Learn to do good; seek justice, reprove the ruthless, defend the orphan, plead for the widow." A very similar verse was what led me to Honduras in the first place. Now, I was standing there with fatherless child and her widowed mother who I pictured to be these helpless people who needed me....only to find out they weren't helpless at all, but were doing the same for everyone else! It was both confirming that God wanted me there, and humbling that He brought us together as encouragement for each other. She was a child of God just like I was!

 

I've written to Melania several times since then, telling her how impressed I was with the fact that she chose this verse. I thought it would be a good fundraiser, as well as a good gift for Melania when I return, to have shirts made with this verse on them, in Spanish. The shirts are $20, and come in a women's and a men's design. You can order them for yourself...or, if you sponsor a child in Honduras, I will also be willing to bring the shirt you buy and have it delivered to your child as a gift. The deadline for orders/payments is February 7.  

(Click photos to enlarge)



Estefani

I want you to know I am fully aware that as some of you read this post, you are going to think I am crazy.  I also want you to know that I have counted the cost, and I am okay with that.  Honestly, you're probably right.  I live by Romans 12:2: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  When you have no chains attached to what this world says, God can fully transform you heart and mind to reach places that fit His Heavenly plan- not mere normality.  God's plan for my life is both beautiful and weird.  I understand that.  It's more than okay by me.

Yes, this is what you think it is.  It's the story of my fourth sponsored child.  The little one who my friend Bella and I started co-sponsoring together a week ago today.  The girl who, over the course of just a week, has taught me love and sacrifice greater than I've ever known.  Ever.  And this is only the beginning. 

I don't even know where to start....

Last year, I was given a daily bible verse calendar as a birthday gift from a friend.  It had a page to tear off and read each day, each one containing a new verse.  Throughout the past year, this calendar helped to strengthen my relationship with God in so many ways.  On days when I didn't know where to read in my bible, I would simply read my daily verse, and then the entire chapter it was from.  I would wake up every morning knowing that God had another gift to show me that day.  I would carry the paper around with me, quoting the verse and rejoicing in God's love.  So, this year, I made sure to pick up another one of these calendars for 2014.

 

On January 1st, I set my new calendar on the table next to my bed.  I looked at the thick stack of papers.  365, to be exact.  365 pages of days that will each be used for His glory. 365 new adventures.  New ministries.  New surprises.  Even potentially new heartache, which will inevitably be used for the bettering of His kingdom.

I prayed and told God that I wanted to use each of these days to the fullest. From big things like sharing the gospel with people I meet or going on mission trips, to smaller things like eating right and not waiting for later to have the health that I want. In 2013, God did abundantly more than I could have thought up on my own (Ephesians 3:20), including an amazing trip to Oklahoma that changed my life and gave me a heart for the needs of others such as poverty and human trafficking, starting the sponsorships of 2 of my sponsor children, visiting my Melania in Honduras, making a few amazing new friends, starting this blog....among other things.  I resolved that in 2014, I would obey quicker, love crazier, and do even more.

That same day, I was scrolling through posts on Facebook when I saw this face....

 

 

And then that word- orphan. 

 

This is Estefani.  She is from the same community as my Melania in Honduras.  She attends the same sponsorship center where I will be visiting in May when I return from Melania's birthday.  My friend who is leading our upcoming trip in May was trying to find a sponsor for precious Estefani.  And as I prayed for her, I remembered God's commandment in Isaiah 1:17....the very verse Melania spoke to me on that beach in Honduras.  Do good.  Seek justice.  Correct the disobedient.  Defend the orphan.  Plead for the widow.  I have learned that these things are pretty much always God's will for a Christian to do, just as much as any of His other commandments.  It's not something you necessarily need personal confirmation before doing.  I'm not trying to say that everyone is called to sponsor a child; but rather, that everyone is called to help serve needs wherever they see them.  The answer to helping the needy is already in the bible, and the answer is yes.  We can just go, asking God to lead, and trust that He will stop us if He has another plan.  I knew I wanted to sponsor Estefani.  What a perfect way to start out this new year full of ministry!

And then came the sacrifice. 

I already sponsor Melania at the same center.  I wanted both Melania and Estefani to know that they were special, not just one of many.  I wanted them to have individual attention from their sponsors.  I am going on the trip in May for Melania's birthday, and I want her to have enough of my focus.  Estefani needs that too.  I probably could have sponsored both of them and made it work just fine, but I wasn't totally convinced.

Then, it hit me.  My friend Bella is coming on the trip with me and was looking to sponsor her first child.  She and I had just discussed having the same resolution for this year, to live it to the fullest for God's glory.  That's when I had the idea- to share this sponsorship with Bella, and let her be the one who Estefani would know as her sponsor and write to.  I would be the secret sponsor who Estefani would only know as "Bella's friend".  I shared this idea with Bella and we started to pray about it.  Within an hour, we had decided to sponsor Estefani, signed up for the sponsorship, and began to write letters to our girls!

I knew it was the right decision, but still it hurt a little.  Over the course of just a day, God had woven Estefani into my heart and I already loved her.  The thought that she would never know I was partly her sponsor wasn't fun.  I went back and forth in my head for an entire day, wondering if I had made the right decision. As I went to the bible seeking answers that night, a verse appeared.  As in, it popped up on the bible app on my phone without me clicking anything.  The verse was Matthew 6:3-4, "But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret..."  You may be thinking, "If you're supposed to give in secret, why are you writing about it for the world to see?"  Well, you have all followed my sponsorship journey from the start.  I thought it was important for you to all hear the next chapter of the story.  The point I think God was trying to get across to me was, He knows my heart.  He knew I would want Estefani for myself.  And I think He knew it was best, for whatever reason, if she only knew Bella as her sponsor.  He confirmed it through this verse so my mind would be at ease about this decision.  So when it hurt or when I doubted, I would still know the answer.  Give to her in secret.

 

I am going to meet Estefani at the project visit in May.  I am going to love on her and probably cry when I first see her.  But I will be introduced as a friend of her sponsor.  That is all she will know.  It's painful, beautiful, and amazing.  The closest thing to Christ's sacrificial love I have experienced thus far.  It is only a week into the new year, and I already know sacrifice is going to be a big theme.  Please pray with me as I continue on this beautiful journey full of surprises.  And please pray for my Estefani and her wonderful sponsor, Bella.  God is good, all the time!



How Much More Does Our Father in Heaven Love Us?

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!" -Matthew 7:11

After a year and a half of sponsoring my little Sulmi, I know her letter writing schedule so well that I can basically pinpoint down to the day when her letters will arrive.  So, I knew that because today was the third Saturday in September, her yearly photo update was due to come in the mail.  I prayed fervently for days that it would get here.  I even dreamed about it last night.  I woke up early this morning and checked the mailbox twice, despite knowing that it was too early for mail to arrive.  Yes, I went a tad bit loca.

Finally, I saw the mail truck coming down my street.  I put on my glasses (near-sighted all the way!) and watched out the window through a rain storm as the mail man put a large white envelope in my mailbox.  Frantically looking for an umbrella, then deciding I didn't want to waste the time to find one, I bolted out into the rain.  Sure enough, inside my mailbox was an envelope from Guatemala!  When I got inside and opened it, I found my little beauty's picture, shown above. 

Later tonight at church, a man who has been so supportive of my ministry to Sulmi and my other girls was asking me about them.  I shared Sulmi's new picture with him, so proud of my sweet girl.  In return, he told me something that I'm pretty sure I will always remember as long as I live:  Just like I long for every detail about Sulmi, beg God for her letters and pictures to arrive, watch anxiously for the mail truck, and even run through a rain storm to receive any sign of communication from her, God does the same for me.  Like we actually learned about at church tonight, God longs for and delights in every detail about His children.  So much so that the bible says He has every hair on our heads numbered.  He eagerly watches as we enter His sanctuary, because He longs to talk with us.  He took the brunt of the rain, running through the storms of sin and death to save us and make us His.  Though He was perfect and never had to come and die, He gladly took on that storm.  The only thing He gained, was us.  Yet He did it all, because He decided that it was worth it. 

 

Wow.  I sure love Sulmi a lot, but I can't compete with that.  Admittedly, I have no idea how many hairs are on her head.  I could never know her every thought or every molecule she is made up of.  I ran a few yards in the rain to hear from her, but I've never had to face death for her sake.  No matter how much I love my girl, God will always love us more.  I don't see myself as anything great apart from Him, so it's sometimes crazy to try to fathom His love for me.  Don't take that the wrong way, I've known and believed that God loves me for almost four years now.  Yet, when it was shown to me in these terms...that it is like my love for Sulmi, except deeper and more perfect...I got it.  I can somewhat understand the love of a parent on that level.  It makes the fact that God loves me so much more relatable.  It makes me want to shout praises and talk to Him for hours.  I know what it's like to wait eagerly for communication from your child, and I never again want to make Him wait.  My eyes have been opened to appreciate His love in a greater way.  If we can love our own children (or sponsored children) as much as we do, how much more does our Father in Heaven love us?

I thank God for giving me these girls as a reminder of His love.


What A Joy (Honduras 2013, Part 5)

We got changed into our swim suits and headed to the ocean.  Hand in hand we walked, smiling and laughing just at the thought that we were really there together.  As I mentioned in previous entries, Melania had never been to the ocean before that day.  I figured she would be a bit timid, or at least not go very deep into the water.  Imagine my surprise when she jumped right in and immediately started riding the waves, dunking herself under, splashing (salt water in your eyes= not fun),  and continuing to swim out farther and farther into the sea!  She went so far out that the other adults in our group even refused to follow.  Figuring I should go along to make sure she didn't drown, I followed her out so far that I got stung by a jelly fish in the process of trying to keep up! 

 

 

 

 

Her laugh every time a wave came and carried her to shore brought so much joy to my heart.  Her sweet smiles as she splashed water at me confirmed time after time that I was where I needed to be.  "Come," she would say, "the water is colder the farther out you go."  So, we went...and went...and went.  When our translator wasn't near by and we had no way to communicate, we would simply laugh.  It was enough for us to just enjoy each other's presence.

 

We spent the afternoon swimming, looking for sea shells, and writing in the sand.  Melania kept trying to write my name, but the waves would wash it away before she finished.  Each time, there would be a brief look of disappointment on her face; until I started laughing, and then she would too.

 

 

Part of my name

 

 

Melania's sweet mother.  She is a widowed mother of 10 children!

 

My girl :)

 

 

Melania was having so much fun that she didn't even want to get out of the water when it came time for lunch.  We swam for a while longer, until her tutor told her that we should probably go and eat.  Lunch was served to us in a little one-room beach house filled with dining tables, just yards from the ocean.  As we waited in line for food, we noticed that our group was the only ones tracking huge piles of sand through the lunch room.  There were mounds of wet sand stuck to our shoes, and falling off all over the place.  Oops!  We laughed some more. 

 

 

 

 

At lunch, we somehow got on the subject of Melania's quinceanera (15th birthday), which is coming up next year and is a huge deal for girls in Latin America.  I had mentioned that one of the girls I know through Compassion would be coming back to Honduras for her sponsor child's 15th birthday, which is when Melania ever so sweetly reminded me that she would love it if I came back next year.  Needless to say, I have already started researching how to go about making this happen.  More on that when I have more definite plans...

 

After lunch, I told Melania that I had some more gifts for her and her family.  We made our way back to a picnic hut on the beach, where I gave her a tote that I had filled with some little things.  This was the only time of day that Melania was the least bit shy.  I could tell she didn't quite know how to respond.  Still she smiled.

 

 

 

 

Her new bible

 

 

We swam in the ocean for a while more after that.  I gave her different options of things to do, and swimming in the ocean was the only thing that seemed to interest her at all.  Then, we sat down at a table and had some great conversation while making a sun catcher craft.

 

 

 

We talked about her schooling and future plans.  She told me she would like to be a teacher and asked if I planned to go to college.  I learned about the area where she lives and about her church and sponsorship center.  She told me that she (like everyone else in Honduras) likes to play soccer.  She asked me how I chose to sponsor her, and I got to share part of the story of how God had led me to her.

 

All too soon, it was time to get changed and say our goodbyes.  As Melania was coming out of the changing rooms, my translator pointed and said, "Look what she's wearing."  Melania had changed into the dress and shoes that I had just given her that day.  Not only that, but completely by accident, I was wearing an almost identical dress. 

 

So beautiful!

 

Twins!

 

Sisters in Christ.  Always.

 

 

The end of the day had snuck up on us, and it was time to get on our busses.  We walked together as far as we could before having to go our separate ways.  We hugged, and I told Melania that I hated having to leave, but that I loved her and would be back as soon as I could.  I encouraged her to keep praying for that day.  She agreed.  I slowly walked towards my bus, turning around to wave to her every few seconds until we could not see each other any more.

 

When I got onto the bus, it was full of other crying sponsors who had reluctantly just said goodbye to their children.  I made my way to the very back of the bus and plopped down on a seat.  That really just happened, I thought. 

 

As much as I didn't want this day to end, I knew that it had been completely God-ordained.  I could go back home and look back on this whole experience, remembering His goodness.  I would forever live in awe of what He had done that day.  Rest assured, if the LORD tarries and if He allows, I will be back.



Where He Leads (Honduras 2013, Part 4)

As we make our way to one of the picnic huts on the beach, Melania and I walk with our arms around each other, smiling in partial disbelief.  The grass below our feet quickly turns to sand.  She laughs.

We sit at a table and I tell Melania I have a special gift for her.  I actually have a whole bag of gifts, but I'm saving most of them for the end of the day.  I pull out the necklace and explain that God has made us sisters in Christ, and because of that, I want to give her this necklace, which is called "Sisters".  I show her that I have an identical one around my neck.  She thinks this is very neat.  I put the necklace on her.



As we talk, I learn more and more just what a special girl Melania is.  Like I mentioned in my last post, from the very second we met, she wanted nothing more than to tell me what she was learning about God and the details of her family life.  So much like me in the aspect of not seeing a need for casual conversation and getting right to the serious stuff.

She asks for my favorite bible verse.  I debate in my head between Acts 20:24 and Romans 5:8, eventually deciding Romans 5:8 would be easier to translate.  I ask for hers, not at all prepared for the profound answer I was about to receive.  After thinking for a moment, tells me she likes Isaiah 1:17.  Please excuse me while I sob over the fact that her favorite verse says:

"Learn to do good;

Seek justice,

Reprove the ruthless,

Defend the orphan,

Plead for the widow."

The fourth line can also be translated, "vindicate the fatherless".  If you don't know, when I was deciding whether or not to go on this trip, a dear friend quoted this exact verse to me, reminding me of God's command for us to go and comfort the fatherless and the widows (Melania and her mother).  This advice played a big part in my decision to go to Honduras.  Meanwhile, while I am doing this for Melania, she is out there doing it for everyone else!  Undaunted by her circumstances, I see now that God didn't choose me to be her sponsor because she was weak and helpless.  He chose us for each other for continued encouragement and love as we follow Him. 

We decide to get changed into our swim clothes.  I give Melania the swim suit I brought for her.  As we walk to the changing rooms, Melania grabs my hand, still smiling the world's biggest smile.  Despite having met half an hour ago, she tells me she is praying for God to bring me back to visit a second time.

I often ask myself if I should really be traveling for missions when there are so many unsaved, hurting people right in my own little town in Western Pennsylvania.  Hearing my Melania ask me to please come back to her confirmed that answer for me.  It's not about where or how we serve God.  It's about seeing a need and going after it- wherever, however He leads.  Do you see a person standing next to you at the grocery store who likely doesn't know the gospel?  Tell them!  Do you know of a widow who could use some company or financial assistance?  Invite her over for dinner!  Do you know about a child in another country who is orphaned, abused, or lacking basic needs?  Go to them!  God showed me Melania's need.  He gave her to me and said, "Go, this mission is for you."  In the bible, God called the disciples to minister starting right where they were....and then leading to even to the remotest part of the Earth (Acts 1:8). 

I think Christine Caine said it best when she said that we can't ignore those who we meet on our way to who we have chosen to reach.  I can't just go to Honduras for a week to minister to Melania and ignore the needs of all of the people I meet before, after, and on my way there.  I definitely have a ministry back home, and for the time being, that is where I need to be long term.  But right then, on that beach, I knew my "now", was Honduras.

Meeting Melania (Honduras 2013, Part 3)

Remember how I said I was numb?  Well, writing this post about my first moments with Melania got it all out of me- the tears, the joy, everything.  The reality of God's work in this story just hit me like a ton of bricks...and it is so beautiful!

The day we had all been waiting for had finally arrived- child visit day!  We awoke that morning and drove an hour to Hotel Playa Beach on the Caribbean Sea, where we would spend the day at the beach with our sponsored children.  Upon arrival, we were told they'd call us off of the bus one at a time to meet our kids.  For almost an hour, sponsors were called one by one, while the rest of us anxiously crowded around the back window of the bus to watch for any signs of our children.

Although I had not yet spotted Melania, my tour leader soon re-entered the bus and announced, "Megan, you're on deck!  Get ready!"  My heart began to race.  I suddenly felt so unprepared.  I committed our day to God and made my way to the front of the bus, carrying the multiple bags of beach supplies and gifts for Melania's family.  Anticipation must have been written all over my face, because the last thing I remember before exiting the bus was my tour leader asking me to please not faint.

As soon as I stepped off the bus, I dropped my bags, found my translator, and began to look for Melania in the crowd.   And then, I saw her.  If she hadn't come running full-force into my arms, I'm not sure I would have recognized her.  So petite, she easily could have passed for eleven or twelve rather than fourteen!  Yet, the second I had her there with me, I was sure of this one thing: God knew exactly what He was doing.  He had matched us perfectly.  I smiled and silently gave thanks.  Yes, I thought, this fits.

We stayed just like this for a long time.  After everything God had done to bring us together, she was really standing there in front of me.  Now that I had her, it was unreal to me that I had ever considered the possibility that someone else was meant to be her sponsor.  It was so obvious right then that God had chosen her for me.  I remember telling myself to embrace that moment, because it was real.  Suddenly, this trip no longer felt like walking through a photograph.  No photograph could be this perfect.

When we finally let go, Melania began to pull things out of the small plastic grocery bag she was carrying.  First, a poster she had made with my name on it!  At the bottom was written, "I love you with all of my heart."  She had even laminated it with tape and decorated it by making flowers out of pencil shavings.  Is it any surprise that one of her favorite activities is art?

Next, she handed me a letter, another drawing, and a hand made jewelry box containing two bracelets and a pair of earrings, all handmade by her!  As you may remember from my very first post when I was led to sponsor Melania, one thing that really tugged at my heart strings was the fact that she wasn't in school and was instead being taught to make jewelry at her Compassion center.  Since I also worked with jewelry, helping my mom with her direct sales jewelry company, I had written to Melania about the fact that we had that in common.  Anything related to jewelry is a special bond between the two of us.  When she put those bracelets on my wrist, I thought yet again: This is as close to perfection as it gets.  She is everything I hoped for and so much more.  Going into this trip, I was (rightly) told not to make any expectations, but to step aside and let God lead.  Often times, God's plans are not ours.  However, this time, it was almost exactly what I had wanted.  It couldn't possibly get any better.

Or so I thought...because that was when Melania smiled at me with the world's biggest smile and proudly said the words, "Thanks to you, now I am studying."  She has chosen to go back to school!  My heart leaps out of my chest even now as I type those words.  God is good all the time!  Not only is she going to school, but she is getting good grades (as she reminded me several times throughout the day), often stays after school for extra art classes, and still faithfully attends her Compassion project and the worship choir at her church!  This girl blows me away on absolutely every level.

I was introduced to Melania's mother and tutor who had traveled with her.  I learned neither Melania nor her mother had ever been to a beach or hotel before that day.  They were very excited.  As we made our way to a shelter on the beach, I quickly learned in more detail just how perfectly God had chosen Melania for me.  As fit my personality to a T, she made no time for small talk and immediately wanted to tell me what she was learning about God.  She also shared openly right away about her father's death, which occurred two years ago on her birthday.  Her maturity and trust in God impressed me immensely.  When I sponsored Melania, I did so thinking that I was sponsoring a sad little girl who had grown up surrounded by tragedy and very little hope...a little girl who needed to be told about the love of Jesus.  Instead, I met a happy girl who has been through a lot in her life, but is undaunted by her pain thanks to the love she receives from her Heavenly Father. 

As we walk, Melania wraps her arm around me and tells me that we are now like family.  I agree.  Family in Christ, brought together to share in His love.  Yes, this fits.

Walking Through a Photograph (Honduras 2013, Part 2)

When friends of mine have come home from mission trips in the past, one thing I have heard multiple times is that it is nothing like the pictures- that it is something you cannot fully grasp until you are actually there.  In many ways, while in Honduras, I found this to be true.  All of the letters and pictures in the world cannot compare to actually experiencing your sponsor child's sweet hugs and warm smiles.  It is pure joy; something I highly recommend for everyone who sponsors a child. 

Yet, at the same time, it was exactly like the pictures.  We left our beautifully comfortable hotel in the city that first morning after a good night's sleep and full breakfast buffet, hopped onto our rented air conditioned busses, and drove a mere 30 minutes to what seemed like a whole new world.  Suddenly, the wide pavement turned to narrow, bumpy dirt roads.  The 5-star hotels and popular fast food chains turned to bamboo huts selling filtered water and bananas.  The lines of Pepsi billboards on the sides of the highways turned to barbed wire fences and stray animals roaming freely.  The traffic grew less and less.  Everyone emerged from their homes to marvel at the unusual sight of two large charter busses coming down the street. 

(Click photos to enlarge)

How could it be that just 20 miles away, people were living comfortable lives?  How could it be that just an hour ago, I awoke in a queen-sized bed, unaware of any nearby poverty?  How could it be that just outside the big city, people were living in bamboo houses with dirt floors?  I was numb.  Seriously, I felt nothing.

It all happened so fast that it felt like we had simply driven into one of the pictures I had seen many times before.  Maybe, I thought, I was just vividly experiencing a photograph brought back by a missionary who had really been there.  As I saw the needs of so many people flash before my eyes, especially when everything had been so normal earlier that day, it didn't seem real.  Even now, honestly, I haven't exactly grasped it.  I was simply walking through a photograph, I told myself. 

Over the course of the week, we visited three sponsorship centers.  These centers are where the sponsored children go to receive meals, tutoring, medical care, bible classes, letters from their sponsors, and extra curricular activities.  I got to see first hand what it means to those children to be sponsored.  I saw unsponsored children literally begging members of our group to sponsor them.  I saw tour members who sponsored children at those projects and the deep bonds between them.  Not only that, but I saw that this was indeed reality.  As we visited their homes and churches, I knew they couldn't simply escape like I soon would.  

Beautiful children waiting to greet us as we arrived

Little Keren with her new sponsor, Julie

God-ordained family

An outdoor kitchen run by firewood

It is hard to say much more when in so many ways, it was exactly what it looks like.  I knew how real it was.  Being there didn't surprise me like I thought it would.  I believe it was partly because I already knew.  Needs like these are what brought me to Honduras.  They are what God used to start my sponsorship journey in the first place.  Now I was actually living it, but not really.  In a few hours, I would return to my hotel, wash the dirt and sweat off of me, and have a filling dinner. Many of these people wouldn't.  My Melania attends a sponsorship center far into the mountains, which was not one of the 3 we visited; so they would be bringing her to me for a visit later in the week.  This meant I had the first part of the week free to observe and take it all in.

Christians are often criticized with the claims that we go on mission trips to make ourselves feel holy.  What I can tell you for sure, is that I have never felt more unholy in my entire life (I think I have heard someone else describe it similarly, so I'm sorry if I'm stealing your words, whoever you are.)  Don't get me wrong, God has made us holy through Jesus Christ.  No feeling can change that.  However, seeing poverty up close made me realize how much more I can be giving away.  It is not enough to spend a week in a country like this and go back to normal life the rest of the year.  It is time we live with reckless abandon- living our whole lives for the gospel and love of Christ.  Laying our own privileges aside the way Christ did, and doing more.  Doing something.  That something doesn't have to be traveling to be becoming a full time missionary or even sponsoring a child.  There are needs right where you are right now.  Through my numbness, I see that we must be aware.  Not just aware, but we must act.  We must love.  We must tell of the grace of God.  I've seen how much there is to be done, and it's time we do it!