You Are My Sunshine (Honduras 2014, Part 8)

When Estefani didn't show up for the party, despite the fact that the staff at the center had told her and her family to come for one last goodbye, I saw a side of Bella that I had never seen before- crazy determined mom mode.  She went around to all of the staff at the center, the translators, and the leaders of our team, demanding (nicely) somebody find out where Estefani was.  Upon learning that Estefani didn't have a way to get there, Bella said, "Call her family and tell them we'll be right there."  She left the church with one of the men from our team, and returned about 20 minutes later with Estefani.

We all spent the evening dancing with our kids.  It was a great way to end an amazing trip.

After a while, I noticed Bella and Estefani had stopped dancing and gone to sit down.  I found them at a table towards the back of the church.  Estefani was cuddled up in Bella's lap.  She was sad, knowing goodbye wasn't far away.  It was also way past her bed time and she was clearly fighting sleep.  As I got closer, I heard the sound of Bella and one of our other teammates sweetly singing "You Are My Sunshine" to Estefani. 

Admiring Bella's rings

At some point in the evening, Estefani asked if we could come back for her birthday too, which was in only a couple of weeks.  We regretfully told her there wasn't enough time to plan another trip that quickly, but we'd be sending her a gift for her birthday, which a friend of ours will be delivering on her upcoming trip to Honduras.  We also promised to throw a party for her quinceanera some day when she turned 15.

All too soon, the party had ended and it was time to say goodbye.  I went and found Melania, and a translator, because I still had one very important thing to say to her.  We told each other how much we loved and would miss each other.  We promised to pray for each other and our families, and to write letters often.  That was when I said to her, with every ounce of love I had in me, the words God had impressed on my heart days earlier- you are a masterpiece.  A few days before leaving for Honduras, God had led one of my best friends to speak those very words to me when I needed it most.  I knew He then wanted to send me to Honduras with that very message for every girl I encountered.  We hugged countless times, and held hands until we got outside to my team's van.  As Melania disappeared into the distance, her cousin, Luz, came to me and wiped my tears.  It was such a sweet exchange that I will cherish forever.

As I stood outside of the van with Bella and Estefani, I played with Estefani's hair and prayed within myself.  "God," I said, "I'm not brave enough to leave her.  Not yet."  After a moment, I changed my prayer- there was nothing brave about this decision.  Nothing brave about leaving this beauty and returning back to the states- to comfort.  I decided I was a coward, and on we went. Don't worry, I now understand that I had to come home, at least for a while.

When we got to Estefani's house to drop her off, Bella and I got out of the van and walked her to the door.  As we walked up to the house, Bella and I both fought back tears.  It wasn't until we were on the porch, that I noticed Estefani too was crying and clinging to Bella.

I helped to translate as Bella repeatedly said, "I love you" and "see you soon."  Estefani said nothing, but continued to cry.  At one point, she pulled away from Bella for a moment and came to me.  She stretched out her arms and wrapped them around me.  "See you soon, yes?" I said.  She nodded through her tears.  I then muttered off some words in Spanish, in no particular structural order.  I remember saying "precious" and "princess", but I'm pretty sure I didn't actually form any full sentences. 

After the longest and hardest goodbye in history, Bella finally knocked on the door.  Estefani's uncle answered.  After a few more hugs, Estefani went into the house, and we returned to the van.

Sometimes it doesn't feel like there was any glorious ending to this story.  And I guess in part, that's because it's not the end.  We cried the whole way back to our hotel.  We then laid in bed and cried ourselves to sleep.  We left the country a day later, without Estefani.  When we got home, we both lived with the guilt of leaving and anxiousness to return (we know those feelings were not of God, although we also believe He does want us to return.)  But this story is glorious.  This wasn't a one time visit.  God willing, Estefani will have a long term support system for the rest of her childhood.  There will be letters and visit and needs fulfilled and prayers prayed.  She will be told again and again and again that God is the Heavenly Father who is with her when no one else is.  From now until forever, Estefani's story will be different.  Her story will be one of love, not rejection.  Of beauty, not tragedy.  Six months ago when God called us to sponsor her, He knew.  And one thing I know for sure, He is only beginning.