Holding On to Hope

Sometimes, life is so vast and beautiful, it doesn't fit into a blog post.

Sometimes, you stop blogging for a year and a half- not because you have nothing to say, but because you have way too much to say and no idea which direction to go with it.

It feels strange to be sharing a story that starts with grief while I'm currently in a season of joy.  But as we approach two years since this story started, I realize that God has done so much, and it is time.

My older sister, Amy, passed away in 2016.  With our 16 year age difference, Amy was a sister, a best friend, and a second mom all rolled into one.  She shared my love for children and was a foster and adoptive parent along with her husband.  She also shared my love for letter writing and made handmade cards for everyone she knew.  She was hilarious and the life of every family gathering.

Although my sister was born with a congenital heart defect and had been in full-on heart failure for over a year, these things had happened before and she always bounced back.  Somehow, I never expected this time to be any different.  I'd prayed and believed for Amy's healing; and I trust God even though it didn't happen how I had prayed for...even in the moments when I don't understand.  As my pastor says: I don't know why this happened, but I know that healing is still the nature of God.  Shortly after Amy passed away, I was in bed one night praying, but feeling extremely distracted.  I felt like prayer wasn't changing anything.  My spirit knew this wasn't true, but all I could see in front of me were the prayers seemingly left unanswered.  In the midst of my pain and uncertainty that night, God took my mind off of myself and reminded me of a little boy who I'd seen while in Honduras with our child sponsorship program over a year earlier- and who I hadn't seen or thought of since.  I remembered that he had a heart condition like my sister's, and I was compelled to pray for him.  His name was Marcos.

At the end of my prayer, I half-heartedly added that if this boy ever needed a new sponsor, I would sponsor him in honor of Amy.   I wasn't even sure why I said it, because I knew he already had a good sponsor who was very dedicated to the ministry.  I now know that God was the one to place that mustard-seed-sized prayer in my heart that night; because the very next morning, I woke up to the news that Marcos' sponsor was not able to continue supporting him!  I was stunned, but knew that God was speaking- prayer still accomplishes much, even when you can't see it.  He put Marcos on my heart to pray for just a day before He already knew that prayer would be answered...just a day before He knew Marcos would need someone.  I believe this was for me as much as it was for Marcos; and in a way, even Amy's story didn't stop there.

Last summer, I returned to Honduras to visit my ever-growing group of sponsored children and minister in their communities.  At long last, I met Marcos and his family for the first time since becoming his sponsor!

Me with Marcos (in blue), his aunt, grandmother, father, brother, and cousin.  

Throughout the week, Marcos proudly wore the plastic cross necklace I had given to him and ate up my attention as he asked me over and over again to watch him flip into the swimming pool during our child fun day.  My heart explodes with love for this child.  I've wanted to sponsor a boy for as long as I can remember.  Choosing to sponsor girls is so easy.  I know how to connect with girls- dolls, jewelry, princess bible stories...  For years, I prayed I would find a little boy who I could love that much.  With Marcos, it was easy.  

In addition to sponsoring Marcos, I sponsored a sweet girl named Angie on New Year's Day 2017, as a way of declaring God's goodness over the new year after a crazy 2016.  I met Angie this past summer, and she was pure joy!

I had also wanted to sponsor a little girl with my sister's name, and hadn't been able to find one.  Right around the one year anniversary of her passing, I got a letter in the mail from a child who I had never agreed to sponsor, from a different sponsorship organization that I no longer even work with.  It turned out that they had mistakenly placed me on a list for a new sponsored child, and they asked if I would like to keep her.  Yes, you guessed it, her name was Amy (well, Aime, but....details.)  And later that same week, a little girl named Amy in our program who I had met several times and loved lost her sponsor, so she became mine as well.  

(This photo was added to the post later when I visited Amy in June 2018.)

What it Means to Be Glorified

"My daughters are free because their mother decided not to allow her past to define their future!!" -Chirstine Caine

"...and these whom He justified, He also glorified." -Romans 8:30

What does it mean to glorified?  What does it mean to be set apart?  To be adopted?  To be pulled from the mire and have your feet set firmly on a rock?  Romans 8:30 is my life verse, because it tells me that it doesn't matter where I come from or who I come from, but only to Whom I now belong.  I always try to instill in my children that they can be transformed and be anyone they want to be, within the will of God.  They can be set apart for the new life He has for them and be the first of many Godly generations.  To be glorified means to be filled with His beauty and purpose, and that they definitely are.

When I think of being set apart from the world, my mind flashes to three faces in the mountains of Western Honduras.

We registered these 3 girls as new additions to the Manna 4 Lempira child sponsorship program on my most recent trip to Honduras this past summer.  When I first saw them, they were sitting together behind a row of chairs in the corner of the feeding center where they could hardly be noticed.  They weren't in line to be registered with the rest of the new children, but I knew I hadn't seen them before.  I was told that we were waiting on permission from their parents before we could enroll them.  I learned that these little ones face opposition from their Catholic parents because they want to attend the Christian church and feeding program to hear the bible.  Although their parents don't approve, they continue to attend the church every week.

Hearing these words, I felt like I was hearing my own story.  I was also raised in a Catholic home and was the first in my family to become a born again Christian, but not until age 16.  This decision was often not understood or well-received by those around me.  Seeing such small children make the decision to follow God completely on their own, and with such joy, amazed me.  I instantly felt protective of them.  I went over and made friends with the girls, who appeared unsure at best.  I asked their names- Irma, Yessenia, and Kenia.  I took that first serious picture of them and told them how beautiful they were.  Then, their amazing smiles emerged.

  

The girls were eventually registered into the sponsorship program that day; and yes, I became their sponsor.  With a connection like that, how could I not?  I am ecstatic to be able to stay in touch with these girls through letters and continue to encourage them in their faith.  By the grace of God, the cares of the world will not be able to choke out the desire for Him in their hearts.  We have been set free to equip our daughters, even our honorary daughters in the LORD, for a life of glory.  They will be set apart to go on and equip future generations!  They will rise up and be unstoppable!

Also, can we talk about the fact that Irma (on the left) has purple flowers on her shirt??  For those of you who don't know, purple flowers are a personal symbol between God and I of His faithfulness in my life.  Of course He would send my girl to me covered in a flowery purple top. Did I really expect anything less?

Update 2021: A younger sister was born a few years later, and I recently became her sponsor too.  Her name is Floridalma and she is currently 3 years old.

Manna 4 Lempira

During my time in Honduras this past summer, my team started up a brand new child sponsorship program, Manna 4 Lempira.  Manna is the biblical word for the bread that God sent down from Heaven to feed His people in the wilderness.  It also has a special meaning to me and this blog (see About Me).  Lempira is the department of Honduras where the majority of the program is located.  In just a few months, we have seen it take off to include over 200 children registered, over 100 already finding sponsors, and thousands more being fed from the excess funds.  At Manna 4 Lempira, your support of just $15 per month provides not only your sponsored child, but several other children in surrounding communities, with 2 meals per week.  It also provides your sponsored child with annual school supplies, shoes, and bible classes.  In addition, your sponsorship allows you to write bi-monthly letters to your sponsored child and receive letters and pictures in return.  You also have the opportunity to send one full-sized package of gifts each year.  

Below is my Manna 4 Lempira sponsored child.  Her name is Carmen, and she is pure evidence of God's leading in my life.  I saw her picture on the list of newly registered children that our missionary partners in Honduras just sent over last week and I instantly fell for her.   I knew she was the one I wanted to sponsor.

Even crazier, later on in the day as I was looking through some old pictures from my trip to Honduras almost two years ago (before we'd even started the program), I found this... a picture of me with a random little girl who I'd met at a feeding center.  It was Carmen!  I have little to no memory of this picture, or of meeting her almost two years earlier...but there we were, together.  I am so excited to know that when this picture was taken, God was smiling- knowing our story wouldn't end there.  And in just a few weeks when I return to Honduras, I will get to see Carmen again, and well as her sister Kendi who I've been writing to!

I also sponsored a second girl named Evelyn through the program, but she moved away and stopped attending before we were able to meet.  Many more children are still waiting for sponsors.  Could you provide hope for one of those children this Christmas season?

Reminiscing: My Time with Estefani (Honduras 2015, Part 3)

Yes, I am aware that it has taken me more than 3 months share my thoughts about my return to Honduras in July.  Like I said before, it was an experience like no other.  No words could match it.  So, for a while, I didn't even try.  Part of me thought that if I prolonged these posts, these memories, until it was almost time to see my Estefani again, it would ease the heartache of being away from her.  And it did.  I plan to return to her in January.  This post will not be a chronological story like many of the others.  I simply want to reminisce on every moment with my girl and cram them all into one long memory. 

My week with Estefani was nothing short of miraculous.  We went swimming (twice), did bible devotionals together, made crafts, celebrated her birthday, and gave about a million hugs.

On our first day together at a pool, I had brought Estefani a new pink sparkly swimsuit, heart-shaped sun glasses, and a matching fish floatie.  We spent our morning in the baby pool (her choice), where she would attempt to balance on the floatie, and erupt into hysterical laughter when she fell off. 

 

 

We spent the majority of two days like this, sitting in a little pool, "swimming" back and forth.  She would wrap her arms around my neck and rest her head on my shoulder for minutes at a time, pull away only to giggle and look at me, and then wrap her arms around me again.  This would often go on for twenty minutes or more.  She would go down the little baby slide with the other children who were there.  Sometimes, she would ask me to catch her.  Other times she would announce, "Solo me!" 

 

It was also there in that little pool that Estefani approached me and said, "I have a question now."  I braced myself, knowing that it was likely a question related to the recent changes in her sponsorship, as I'd told her earlier that she could ask me about if there was anything she wanted to know.  I turned my full attention to her and asked what her question was.

"Why did you want me?"

 

Wait...what?

"Why did you choose me?"

Her question was followed by a sigh of relief on my end.  The answer was easy.  I explained that from the second I saw her picture for the first time a year and a half ago, God put a great love for her in my heart.  I explained that when I realized a few weeks ago that she needed a new sponsor, I chose her instantly.  I told her that I loved her and that I always would.  She was satisfied with this answer and moved on to asking how long I could hold my breath under water.  Yes, the transition was seriously that easy.  

 

Later, we ventured to the big pool and slide a few times.  At one point, Estefani had gone halfway down the slide and decided to climb back up.  My sweet girl is always getting into some sort of innocent mischief such as this.  My (adult) teammate was already coming down the slide at this point and almost ran her over.  This hilarious and yet terrifying moment was somehow caught on camera by a bystander.  Here is Estefani reaching for me to save her.

 

 

 

 

So many perfect memories were made....

 

My Estefani and banana soda.  What more could I ask for?

 

 

Devotional craft

 

 

 

 

Although I had only found out a few weeks before the trip that Estefani would be mine, I managed to pull together way too many gifts to bring to her.  Some wonderful people from my church and missions team pitched in to get some needed things for her too.
 

Some late birthday gifts- a doll, tiara, and balloons

 

 

 

Looking through doll clothes with another little girl

 

 

 

 

 

We also spent a day at the sponsorship center where Estefani goes to receive tutoring, meals, bible teaching, and letters from me.  I arrived at the center that morning and waited for her.  She didn't show up along with the other kids, so I had one of my translators inquire about her and was told she would be there soon.  About a half hour later, she still had not arrived, so I inquired again, anxiously awaiting her arrival.  When you only get 3 days together every 6 months or so, every second counts.  Then, an hour or two into the day, she ran through the doorway and greeted me with a hug.  She then handed me a bracelet she had made for me.  I scooped her up and we sat down to have some lunch.  Then, we played for the rest of the afternoon.

 

 

 

 

  

   

Making jewelry

 

 

 

With my friend Susan

 

 

On our last day together, we were at the pool.  When the day had ended and goodbyes had been said, I put Estefani on the bus back to her center.  I would be taking another bus to my hotel.  As we were about to drive away, I left my bus and went over to hers one last time.  As if she knew I would be back for another goodbye, Estefani was peering out the window.  We blew kisses and I told her I would see her soon.

 

 

 

I got back on the bus and cried along with many of the others who had just said goodbye to their kids.  Honduras and Estefani had become my home.  My heart would stay there with her.  More than ever before, my calling was clear- and I would surely be back.

Melania and Irma (Honduras 2015, Part 2)

In addition to my Estefani, I also sponsor two teenaged cousins in Honduras- Melania and Irma.  They are both such sweet, humble girls with strong passions for God.  They attend the same sponsorship center in Honduras as Estefani; and while she definitely got the majority of my attention on this trip for reasons mentioned in previous posts, I wanted to share some highlights of my time with Melania and Irma.  Honestly, I want to brag about these girls.  Their genuine hearts and sweet, gentle spirits blow me away more each time I visit.

Melania and Irma are 16 and 13 years old.  They are not only cousins, but best friends.  I had sponsored Melania for almost two years at the time that I added Irma, and wondered if it would cause jealousy.  I was relieved to receive a letter from Melania right before this visit in which she shared, "I know that you sponsor my cousin Irma, and for me it is a great joy, because now we are not two, but three.  I prayed for Irma to have a good sponsor like you.  I would like to spend time with you again, along with Irma."  Her sincerity was clear, and my fears ceased.

Melania (left) and Irma (right)

Just weeks before the trip, though, I got the opportunity to sponsor Estefani (see our story here and here.)  When I arrived to our visit and began talking with Melania and Irma, it quickly became clear to me that they had not been informed of this.  They seemed surprised and possibly a little disappointed that they wouldn't have me all to themselves, and whispered to each other about it.  Still, they remained excited for every second we were able to spend together.  We spent our first morning just sitting and talking.  We had some amazing translators this year who constantly encouraged the sponsors and children to pray for each other throughout the visit, so we had some prayer time and shared our favorite bible verses.

I also got to take the incredibly long journey up the mountain to visit their homes.  We went part way by bus, but had to get out and walk the last stretch that was too narrow to drive.  On the way, the girls and I squeezed into the back of the bus and played with my handheld fan, which they thought was hilarious.  Irma had been quiet up to this point; but when she started waving that fan around, she erupted with laughter.  This was probably the highlight of my time with Irma.

The girls' homes were near each other and very similar in structure.  Despite the challenges the families face, they did not cease to share their most precious gifts with us.  Melania's family made us a meal of chicken and rice.  Irma's family had bought cookies and Coke in honor of our visit.

In Irma's bedroom where she opened her gifts

During the home visits, I gave the girls the gifts I had brought for them.  After giving Irma her gifts, she continued to thank me for the rest of the week, telling me she thought the gifts were "so beautiful".  For Melania, who often writes to me asking questions about God's plans for marriage and expressing that she desires to wait for His plans for her, I brought a special purity ring that matches mine, along with a Spanish copy of "The Lady in Waiting".

Throughout our time together, their inner beauty and love for God was evident to everyone.

They even bonded with Estefani and were so patient and loving with her- swimming, coloring, and talking together.  Irma especially took my lead and became so motherly to her.  It was precious to me to see my girls forming a little family.



At one point towards the beginning of the week, my translator gathered our little group (my 3 girls, plus Irma's sister and Estefani's cousin who had joined us) into a circle.  He had me pray over each of the girls, and then had each one pray over me.  One of the most precious memories of my life will be the empowerment I saw in these girls as they prayed together.



Later on in the week at the swimming pool, before our final goodbye, Melania pulled me aside and wanted to pray for me again.

Melania and I had some very important talks about Godly friendships and relationships.  She has a real desire for these things and for waiting for His purpose for her life.  My time with these girls was so precious.  I look forward to seeing them again in the near future.  They have clearly been set apart for such great things.